Saturday, 3 January 2015

Reflecting and Reminiscing

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January is usually a gloomy month for many.  The festive cheer is replaced by the idea you have to wait 5 weeks until your next pay day.  It can be stressful time dealing with the shortage of money, especially when Mr Mastercard and Visa may be asking for their money back.  I always find it a time to reflect on the past and I might even have cry about it too ... I usually do.  

Today has been 11 years since my Nans passing.  The last time I saw her alive was December 25th 2003.   I never knew that would be the last time I would see her.  She came over for Christmas dinner and present unwrapping, fell asleep in the arm chair, snored like normal.  Then we took her back to her house and said good bye.  It think my Mum spoke to her on New Years but then that was it.  On Saturday January 3rd I was busy stocking shelves in Primark when I looked up to find my Dad striding towards me through the crowds of shoppers with a purpose.  I could see it in him... to get to me as fast as possible.  

My only living Nan had collapsed at bingo that was all we knew.  We rushed to hospital, meeting my Mum and brother there plus my Aunt and her family.  But it was too late she was already gone by the time we arrived, she was 79.  I sat in the room she was in just holding her hand and just watching her.  The idea of leaving her alone seemed so wrong.  I sat there until I was asked to leave so they could move her.  I will never forget that day as long as I walk this earth.

I'm crying already.... I told you didn't I???

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January 7th is also a day that gets me emotional, as that is the 8 year anniversary since my Dads heart attack,  Don't worry he survived but only due to the fact he was in the right place at the right time when his heart attack started.  Strangely enough January 7th 2006 was a Saturday again, my brother and I were at home when I got a call from my Mum.  She said Dad had begun to feel very unwell whilst out shopping.  She mentioned that a member of the public ...who happened to be a first aider came over as she knew there was something wrong with him.  Her advice was to seek urgent medical help today as it was not normal how my Dad looked.  Mum told me this on the phone and I told her to call an ambulance, but my stubborn Dad didn't want the blues and twos.  My response to her was it doesn't matter what he want if you think he needs one call it now!!  She put the phone down and called one.  

After quick conversations with my brother she called again 5-10 minutes later running across shopping centre car park.  My mum never runs.  She was trying to get back to the car fast so she could follow the ambulance to the hospital.  As she set off following them, we then left home and raced to the hospital to meet them.  I didn't mind my brother driving like a lunatic that day.  We arrived to find our mum sitting alone outside the A&E department.  We sat there for ages sharing one chair between three of us.  What seems like hours later, a doctor came out and told us my dad had had a full blown cardiac arrest, he had died in the back of the ambulance but the two paramedics (who I feel I owe heaven and earth to) brought him back.  He was not out of the woods yet and we we basically told to prepare yourself for the worst.    

Being told your father has had a heart attack is seriously an experience I never want to go through again.  He was 50 at the time - pretty young they said.  We were only allowed in one at a time to see him... but seeing him barely conscious staring at me was shocking.  It didn't seem real but it was.  We are all so fortunate that he was in the ambulance hooked up to a ECG at the time it happened.  They saw it coming and could shock him to bring him back ASAP.  If he hadn't been with them he wouldn't of lived.

I'm not sure why I feel it necessary to share these moments of my life with you.  I know the past is the past and it is impossible to ever change it.  My advice... don't take family for granted.  Life can change forever in a heart beat.  

Please go give your Nanny, Granddad, Dad, Mum, Brother, Sister a hug and tell them you love them.  Do it with this post in mind.  Just a normal day can change your life forever.

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